Change

It came suddenly this year.  Fall in the Pacific Northwest is not always magnificent; the trees are just slowly beginning to turn; the weather, overall, has been alternatively dry and muggy the last few months.  Nonetheless, fall is here and everywhere. It is not so much something you can see - just a thunderclap sense that something has changed.  (Oh, all right, Pumpkin Spice Lattes help...)

*These photos are from earlier this month; we are indeed getting real thunderclaps today!

What a year this has been already!  In a week and a half, my fourth and last year of college begins.  *double-take*  Can it be so soon?

Everybody is asking me what my post-graduation plans are.  Abridged answer is "get a job," but the other day I took time to jot something more thoughtful down in my journal.  Here is the paraphrased version:

• becoming self-sufficient (don't get me wrong, though, my family is the best!)
• pursuing perpetual education (self-taught)
• following God's Will above all
• using my independence, education, ideals, etc., etc., towards the best possible purpose (i.e. previous point)

This summer I had no job, internship, or classes.  It was intensely disappointing, for a variety of reasons.  But ultimately, I realized (for the umpteenth time?) it is silly to compare myself to others.  What was my goal in college?  To get a degree; to get a job with that degree.  So far so good.  It happens I am not a typical comp-sci student and couldn't possibly be.  I have other interests, just as strong and worthy to have majored in.  It's ok.  Comp-sci feels right (I'm quite happy with my choice) but it's not the be all and end all.  There are so many options. 

"The good thing about all of these deliberations, doubts, and possibilities is that I feel something  is changing and happening."  Couldn't say for sure what  is happening, yet, but I'm ready for this academic year.  Wherever you are in your own life, I hope it is a good year for you, too.

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Open letters and whatnot

Dear you,

Your name completely escapes me, but you've long deserved a thank-you.  We were never friends, oddly enough, but the point really is that you told me about Yiruma, which is a big deal now.  There was a time relaxing contemporary piano music would not have been my thing, but (excuse the quote) it is not this day.  In all seriousness, his music has been a blessing to me, and it's largely due to your mentioning him I recognized the name and bothered to listen.  Thank you for spreading the word.

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Dear blog readers,

Thank you for sticking by me all this time.  The dilemma of blogging hasn't gone away - let's face it, I have in many ways outgrown all that is gold - but sooner or later it will all be sorted out.  Meanwhile, it makes me glad to know there are people reading it (I have looked at my blog on bloglovin', so I know who some of you excellent people are), and getting something out of it.

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It's almost two a.m.., so apologies if any of this is incoherent.  I spent most of the day cross-stitching and listening to political commentary.  I have not cross-stitched in ages and eras, so getting back into it this past week is a bit shocking mentally.  It is like repetitive games; the level of intense focus and, at the same time, freedom to think about other topics is remarkable.  I recommend cross-stitch kits, with reservations: they are incredibly addictive.

I haven't blogged about writing since February.  You might have wondered, what's up with that?  I don't know.  I don't know what's up with a lot of things, but it's ok.  I still work on my novels, if infrequently.  In fact, my main book in progress is coming up to the scene that inspired it.  (Silly, but I ought to have written that part first!  It won't be too different now, but surely not as good...)

It is best to blog about real life as objectively as possible, the good and the bad equally.  Anyway, I have blogged before about sadness, so hopefully it is not ostentatious to say that things are really good right now.  And I'm extremely happy, the kind of down-to-earth giddy happiness that seems like it could never be divided up or put into boxes - infinite happiness. 

It should be unsettling, having doubts and concerns about things in my life (like writing).  Sometimes, though, there comes the ability to just smile at uncertainty; you can even say, does it matter?  Marcus Aurelius (the only philosopher I am qualified to quote) had a Stoic notion for that.  His idea is that hurt (or to broaden the concept, negativity) does not exist unless you allow it to.  Of course this is idealistic and simplistic, but sometimes - more often than not - it is practicable. 

Well, I'll let that train of thought fizzle out, because it is by no mean the origins of happiness, and I wouldn't want it to appear that way.  Perspective helps, though.  It's not everything, but it can catalyze real change.

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